Funny Famous Quotes

Found these and wanted to share.

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1)      Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
Bill Gates

2)      A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to rouse the interest, but long enough to cover the essentials. (not a clue!)

3)       If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button. Sam Levenson

4)       God gave us a penis and a brain, but not enough blood to use both at the same time. Robin Williams

5)      In my country we go to prison first and then become President. Nelson Mandela

6)      When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.  Eric Hoffer

7)      My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I'm right.  Ashleigh Brilliant

8)      The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all is the person who argues with him. Stanislaw Jerszy Lec

9)      The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch somebody else doing it wrong, without comment. T. H. White

10)   I can't understand why people are frightened by new ideas. I'm frightened of old ones. John Cage

11)   Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality. Jules de Gaultier

12)   If you want to make enemies, try to change something. Woodrow Wilson

13)   You must believe in free will; there is no choice. Isaac Bashevis Singer

14)   I haven't failed, I've found 10,000 ways that don't work. Thomas Edison

15)   You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality. Ayn Rand

16)   When one person suffers from a delusion it is called insanity; when many people suffer from a delusion it is called religion. Robert Pirsig

17)   Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein

18)   I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have. Thomas Jefferson

19)   Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right. Henry Ford

20)   Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity. Martin Luther King Jr.

21)   Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws. Plato

22)   The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.  George Bernard Shaw

23)   Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake. Napoleon Bonaparte

24)   Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. Sharon Stone

25)   Many wealthy people are little more than janitors of their possessions. Frank Lloyd Wright

26)   Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go. Oscar Wilde

27)   I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. Sir Winston Churchill

28)   How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself. Anais Nin

29)   Maybe this world is another planet's Hell. Aldous Huxley

30)   All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher. Ambrose Bierce

31)   Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down. Jimmy Durante

32)   If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. Carl Sagan

33)   My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates

34)   Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. Erica Jong

35)   Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. John F. Kennedy

36)   The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people. Lucille S. Harper

37)   If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning. Aristotle Onassis

38)   I am not young enough to know everything. Oscar Wilde

39)   The covers of this book are too far apart. Ambrose Bierce

40)   Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. Carl Gustav Jung